Get all 25 Bob Drake releases available on Bandcamp and save 50%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of The Room in the Tower, There Was Once a Road (two minimalist pieces), Legendary Lore Of The Holy Wells Of England, Planets and Animals, Two Tales of Uncanny Visitations, Suite for Notation Software, What Day Is It? (Expanded Edition), 2 Improvisations dans une Eglise, and 17 more.
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Many years ago...billions actually...or was it the future?
A frightful curse gripped the Multiverse in icy tentacles...
Tentacles of fear! Threatening to shatter the Union of Worlds!
Even The Council of Elders was undecided in this matter!
Until the day they found Dret Tancat and sent him off to save the Multiverse!
It happened like this:
His ancestors were the canines from the mythic planet Earth
evolving in the Great Mutations following the terminal magnetic shift.
All his kind were great magicians, and of them he was the best
nominated by the Elder Council, he set off on the perilous quest
So let's join our scruffy hero at the dawn of that fateful day
when the evil shattering the Multiverse
got its just desserts and ended up relegated to the dustbin of history!
Frazzled, cold and hungry, brambles tangled in his tail
in the drizzly dawn
he drew his ragged cloak more tightly,
scowling down upon the Ominous Perilous Vale
which was to be the ultimate obstacle necessary to traverse
to attain his objective.
Shook the rain from off his snout and set off towards
the fortress of ebon looming blackly on the distant horizon.
All along the trek he would be constantly beset
by the LEGIONS OF HELL
a-pelting him with every evil in the grimoires
Oh will he prove gallant enough to fend off their bewitchments,
hypnotisms and hexes, plagues, afflictions and woes?
They flung in his direction armadas of foullest horrors
which melted like butter at one sound he utter.
Upon witnessing the power of such noble, valiant goodness
the evil ones chose to relinquish their wickedness
swearing a solemn pact that beginning today
they would only use their magic for the benefit all lifeforms on all the worlds, ushering in a new era
and all of them lived happily ever after.
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2. |
Afterlife Revolution
01:39
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On the lowest level of the astral plane, it’s empty, cold and repugnant.
The next level up is not significantly better,
there are a couple of trees but no buildings
and everyone has to wear sackcloth.
The next level up is a lot like Earth, but everything’s a bit dilapidated.
On the next level up there are some pretty nice views,
but you have to die a second time in order to attain the next level,
where they drink brandy, play golf and smoke cigars,
they hunt and fish and steeplechase and there’s no sex,
it’s a bit like a Victorian gentlemen’s club.
The current situation in the afterlife sounds eternally boring,
don’t you think that it’s time to change things?
We need an afterlife revolution!
Revolution! Here we come!
We are revolting!
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3. |
Cryptic Mountain
01:36
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Stimulated by secret process, come get your message at the Cryptic Mountain! Altar fires litten, natron water flowing, and the stage is set for someone or something.
Come and wander in rocky desolate place with Universal wolfy dragon.
Altar fires litten, natron water flowing, there’s a fissure in my pshent
but they have ways of fixing that
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4. |
The Strangeness of You
01:52
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The strangeness of you is a wonder to behold.
Just like a dream or just like a nightmare
subject to the constitution of the observer.
Your asymmetry is surpassed by no other living thing.
And when you go chanting in the ruined castle
with your strange little pals, each of them equally as outré as you,
what can I do? I'm so deeply enamoured of you.
With your strange little pals, each of them equally as outré as you,
what can I do? I'm profoundly, I'm so deeply enamoured of you.
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5. |
Letter of Complaint
01:35
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A hungry badger trying to score some grub at a greasy diner
went straight to the kitchen and tried to pass himself off as the fry cook,
but all he got was kicked out the back service entrance.
Kicked him out into the alley, whereupon recovering his composure
he found a book in a bin written by Emily Post - the “Queen of Etiquette.”
Pawing over the book, he composed a letter protesting of his treatment
borrowing grammar from the Bible and Shakespeare
and delivered it to the diner himself.
And they gave him a 50 cents reduction coupon.
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6. |
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So the new couple came, and they wanted to build their house
on Monument Hill. The mayor stipulated they could proceed,
but they mustn’t tear down the neglected ossuary
in the grove of dead trees, but they did so anyway.
From that moment forth their situation rapidly declined.
The very next day, the workers walked off the job
and wouldn’t come back, complaining about
the pack of hounds that watched them from the distance, laughing.
Next our couple were pestered all night and day
by howls as if from a distant molosse,
so they packed up and left. Got far away from there as they could get.
But soon, the howls resumed, closer and closer
until they were sure that they were doomed.
Then there finally came that knock on the back door
and they couldn’t decide to open it or not.
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7. |
Have a Lovely Day
01:50
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Have a lovely day, do not go astray
into eldritch realms of accursed research.
Premature demise - that could be your prize,
or a life prolonged to unspeakable length
if you mispronounce one rune of a chant.
Have a lovely day, do not go astray
into nighted vaults where the luminous fungi cast a glow
onto things below better off forgotten and left undisturbed.
Have a lovely day, it will be OK
if you got some flowers to hang on the doors of badger dens
‘cause they are your friends
have them round for tea ‘cause it’s better than...
it’s better...yes it’s better...better than hanging round in
deconsecrated, crumbling abbeys encrusted with nitre,
where in unlit cellars, horrible tomes
are kept chained to the stone walls
Have a lovely day, do not go astray
go and pick some flowers
to hang on the doors of badger dens
‘cause they are your friends
they are all your friends, go see them today
you know they would love to have you for lunch.
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8. |
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Established 1867, the London Dialectical Society formed,
in order to investigate events and phenomena
allegedly caused by spiritual manifestations,
and to report thereon.
The members claimed that they had received
information through automatic writing
the truth or falseness of which
nobody has been able to determine.
One member declared that by mediumistic means
he was giving a precise, detailed statement,
which in the end turned out to be completely erroneous.
Reception of the report by the press
wasn't exactly very hearty, The Times called it:
“...nothing more than a farrago of impotent conclusions,
garnished by a mass of the most monstrous rubbish
it has ever been our misfortune to sit in judgement upon.”
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9. |
All My Sheddings
01:51
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All my sheddings, won’t you help me sweep them off the floor?
All my sheddings, cause there are going to be more and more.
All my sheddings, won’t you help me sweep them off the floor?
All my sheddings, cause there are going to be more and more.
All my sheddings, I’m gonna sweep them all up now,
put them in a big package
I’m gonna send them to you (special delivery)
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10. |
Acting Bears
01:50
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Bears are known to be the more obliging
of the larger furry mammals in the motion picture industry.
They memorize their lines, but they tend to improvise,
and good luck stopping them once they start to spout
what they believe to be Shakespearean declamations
in stentorious tones.
Acting bears are usually classically trained,
while others went to the school of hard knocks.
And in the northern hemisphere it’s best to work in summer
or they keep falling asleep on the job.
Affect a walking cane, wear a suit and hat and tails
and you might attract attention
from a service who provides animals for motion pictures.
Just remember to keep your claws in the contract
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11. |
La Fontaine de l'Eglise
02:24
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There was a little country church hundreds of years ago
and what really happened we will never know.
La fontaine de l’eglise trickles peacefully
from a fragment of a flinty stone wall
all that’s left of an ancient church
which a remarkably strange event caused to be dismantled
and stricken from the historical record.
A section of masonry which had always appeared to be
unnaturally damp subsided below the altar
causing priest and congregation alike
to faint and to falter at what was revealed.
The witnesses chose not to speak of what they discovered
and the church was soon condemned and demolished
its stones used to fill up the pit.
Today only those who have lost their way
will happen to pass by that lonely, inhospitable place
where the fountain still trickles, be advised that it’s non-potable
and it’s unhealthy to loiter in the vicinity for any length of time
‘round those mounds of black and flinty stones
in the place where there once stood
a little country church, hundreds of years ago
and what really happened, we will never know.
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12. |
Me and Apocalypse Fox
01:33
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Do you think you’re ready for this?
Shouldn’t I be?
We understand the rocket’s ready to go.
You got that right.
Frankly, we don’t know what to think.
And that’s alright by me and Apocalypse Fox.
Apocalypse asked me last night:
“So, whaddya wanna do tomorrow, go to lunch, or go to the stars?”
I said come on, let’s do both.
Then we consulted some conceptual sketches until the sunrise
and when we climbed into the ship he was
looking good in his spacesuit
strapping in, ready for blasting off.
Should we countdown?
Nah forget it, just hit that button and blast off to the galaxy clusters
We’ll go all the way. They’re gonna go all the way.
"Assuming optimal positions...tail assembly response positive...
commencing synchronized ascent...thruster circuits switched to automatic...angle of approach is good...contact! Deploy pressure injector!"
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13. |
Summertime is Here
01:14
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Summertime is here, flowers are in bloom
exuding indescribable perfumes;
so are some unusual mustelids.
Isn’t it nice and green in the cool ravine
where the effervescent waters fizz?
The Universe just goes on with its business
Goes on it goes on it goes on it goes on
Goes on it goes on it goes on it goes on
The flowers are escapees from research laboratories
so are the unusual mustelids; the Universe just goes on
It goes on it goes on it goes on it goes.
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14. |
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Watchful of face, green of plume, O hyena,
I know the hall in the middle of the zenith
from which you go when you go aboard the night-bark.
O great float-user, filled with your power
take the wrrt crown from the great and mighty talkers,
Hail to you, unguent!
Hail to your face which has been knit on
like that of a jackal, Wepawawet.
Seized by the Earth-gods, you will not be opposed,
doors of the sky will be opened
you may go out as the jackal beside him who hides his shape.
Hail to you! You two falcons who are in this bark!
A stairway to the firmament has been set up for you
A stairway to the firmament has been set up for you
May you take the hands of the imperishable stars!
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15. |
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Along the dusty road there was a little wooden house
with no outward signs of anything wrong
It was the overgrown vine upon the northwest side
which was the reason nobody would stay.
With no obvious external cause,
on hot summer evenings, it would visibly agitate itself
And when the judge and the minister witnessed this for themselves
immediate action was decided upon:
So they went out with their pickaxes and shovels
came back with nothing but psychological troubles.
And though they say the vine’s no longer animated
the house remains abandoned
for it cannot shake its haunted reputation,
although the vine is very pretty,
transfiguring the porch into a sylvan grotto.
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16. |
Waters, Eaux et Aquae
02:18
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Water of waters, water of the equinoxes
O water of celestial grace
O water of the river Styx
heavy water, metallic water, water of life
O water Azothique
O water of blood
O golden water of the many Suns.
Simple water
O water of the microcosm
O antimonial mercurial water
eau de talc, eau elevée
Igneous water, starry water, eau électrique
O water which will never moisten the hands
O aqua pluvialis.
Don't forget the terrific monsters who
inhabit the waters for it's true,
they're always aware of you
while floating about so lightly.
Eau oxgenée, mineral water
water of transubstantiation
water under the bridge
remember the waters of forgetfulness
aqua lilii, aqua fortis, aqua cerebri, aqua foetida, aqua Crocotus ridiculosa.
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17. |
Audience With Stripycoat
03:24
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Excavating restricted Roman ruins, evidence was uncovered
revealing the staggering truth of why and for whom
the Vatican had been constructed and what still inhabits its gardens
It was not for any pontiff, contrary to popular belief
no, they were made for the fabulous beast
which a bumbling occultist summoned to our plane,
then refusing to begone,demanded this outlandish palace
and garden be built for it.
In return it would provide "services" of a kind I would rather not mention.
So they built it the Torre Leonina, and a plexus of secret courtyards and cortiles. Hedges of aromatic shrubberies mask the alien pong of its pelt (its spotty pelt) from detection (it’s also stripy) by the unauthorized rabble.
Audience can be obtained (for those sincerely devoted),
The entrance is marked with THE SIGN (for those who can recognise it)
Records show many have entered (over the centuries)
The departures page curiously blank...
If you've inexplicable yearnings this fate should be yours,
traverse the gallery of inscriptions, pass the cabinet of masks
At the shuttered balcony, thrice make the sign;
the one-way portal shall be opened for an instant–
Quickly step inside and the statues will cry, knowing what's to come,
powerless to avert their perpetual gaze.
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18. |
The Parthenon Replica
03:19
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What’s coming to the party at the Parthenon Replica?
Up where the fictional gods and monsters love to schmooze and mingle?
Share a mental impression with a mystical presence
or jump into the dance
and clap your fins or hands or paws or claws or pseudopods
those not in possession of a body, do it with your aura.
Cyclopean arcades of colossi are the decor of choice of the funny animals
responsible for this once-in-a-Cycle transcendental bash. And it’s a smash!
Sredni Vashtar promises to be on his best behaviour
just as long as you don’t bring up that little episode with Mrs. DeRopp,
and Nyarlothotep has agreed to forego presentation of his “special” slideshow.
So dance and clap your fins or hands or paws or claws or pseudopods
It don’t matter if you got nobody, ‘cause disembodied intellects
are welcome at the bash at the Parthenon Replica.
The invitations were sent by means of psycho-kinetic impressions
and it’s obligatory to RSVP.
Now watch out for those Japanese dinosaurs,
they may not seem too bright but when the Suns go down
just wait and see their crazy pyrotechnics.
And those smiling dogs? Don’t get too close, they’re the Hounds of Tindalos, known to cause dimensional complications
but those are the chances you take
when you come
to the Parthenon Replica.
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19. |
Seven Fabulous Jackals
02:14
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They deliberately call upon something
with a reverence for using it often
with reverence and love,
changing its appearance under the vestments.
And the stars sputtering at the commandment
and a radiant Sun permanently changed
consummately phosphorescently shone favorably on
O seven! Calling on something now
O wonderous! That can smite the darkness
O jackals! Mighty, smity, pilose.
And a radiant purr rustling whisper
that it was only the merest of forepaws
that did emerge, beatifically yellow and shaggy
O seven! Calling on something now
O wonderous! That can smite the darkness
O jackals! Mighty, smity, pilose.
And the Seven invoke one visible Sun
that deliberately calls upon something
with reverence and love
that they also arise over the visible Sun!
O jackals! Calling on something now
O wonderous! That can smite the darkness
O jackals! Mighty, bitey, smity, pilose.
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20. |
The Greenish Meadow
00:36
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I was floating on the back of a living thing
upon a sea which was undulating eldritchly
and beheld the things a-beckoning
on the strange and distant shore
which apparently I was approaching.
And in one astounding rapture
I knew what I was!
and what I once was!
and what I would be!
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